Half Vaxx
It's all I ever was
Hello, sad North Americans! The withdrawal of the J&J vaccine yesterday seemed to hit a lot of you pretty hard. I’m sorry!
Perhaps you’ve heard of AstraZeneca, the redheaded stepchild vaccine that’s been giving Europe conniptions over the last two months or so? It’s in the same family as the J&J vax — the Uncle Eddies of vaccines who roll up to the fun summer parties in the motorhome and declare “shitter’s full.” Yah, full of blood clots1.
As a longtime vaccine enthusiast, I was beside myself when I got my first dose in early March, even though it was AZ. The endless opportunities of pre-pandemic life spread before me. I was delirious. I thought I might faint.
Key plot point here: Unlike J&J, AZ is two-dose.
Shortly after I received my first dose, the French government — along with other EU governments — decided that the risk of blood clots rendered the AZ inadvisable for YOUNG PEOPLE, like myself. Last week, the French Health Authority finally announced the 500,000 in France who received an AZ first does and who are under 55 will get a Pfizer/Moderna second dose. Someday.
Sadly, there’s no indication of when that will happen. I got my first dose six weeks ago.
So, from the liminal space between vaxxed and unvaxxed, I present, Carpetblog’s Six Stages of Vaccine Grief.
Elation! I am going to lick all the faces I see on all the planes I will be flying on all the time. Mahhhhh freeeedduuuum is mine! The sun is shining, puppies are rolling in the grass. Let’s put 2020 in the rear view mirror!
Cranky Scientist: What? Women! Birth Control! Blood Clots! COVID deaths versus vax deaths! Don’t those matter to anyone? Why are we caving to people who don’t understand statistics?? [A lot of you are here right now. It’s cute]
Denial: They’re not going to leave us half vaxxed, are they? They’ll for sure give those people who already had their first AZ shot a second since they clearly didn’t die of blood clots, right? They wouldn’t make us guinea pigs and give us a different brand after saying for so long you can’t do that, right? They’ll be able to make up all the lost AZ/J&J supplies with Moderna/Pfizer, right? Surely someone has thought about this. Right???
Negotiating: Maybe I can talk my doctor/pharmacy into giving me any vax. Maybe I won’t tell them I’ve already had one dose and sign up for an appointment. Is Sputnik that bad? Should I make a fake ID like I did to get into bars when I was 18? Maybe I will go to America and get it. [LOL!]
Rage: They had an entire year to sort out the supply and logistics for this fucking goat rodeo! Maybe they should have cut back on two hour lunches for once? Even America has figured this one out and it started from hydroxychloroquine and injecting bleach! Goddamn it.
Acceptance: This nightmare will never end. This is how it’s going to be. There will be five new variants impervious to all the vaxes before I get my second. Cancel summer plans. No one is going anywhere fun.
So, having all the disadvantages of not being vaccinated (not being immune to the plague) and none of the advantages (being immune to the plague), I present to you, early Cher.
If you have feelings about Cher’s outfit or her obviously tranquilized horse, take it up with her.
I believe in the science of statistics and therefore I do not believe the blood clots are a serious risk. However, I do see why governments need to be cautious about the perception of problematic vaccines. I am capable of holding these two thoughts at the same time.